I had to comment on this, if only because I love the word “brouhaha.” However, a lot of elements of this particular brouhaha (yes, that will be the last time I say it in this post) are peeving me. The thing is, I like a lot of John Edwards’ ideas. I liked that he was a lawyer for the little guy against big corporations, and that he wanted to battle against poverty, and I liked the idea of him maybe being president not so many months ago. But I never liked John Edwards. And the reason I say this is because I never knew him, then or now. I never knew his wife either. There are people writing their columns and talking on the street who are expressing some sense of betrayal, and I don’t understand that. The only one betrayed was Elizabeth, and she knew it long ago. I don’t think that John had any responsibility to ‘fess up to the public; this was a private matter, and should have stayed private, especially because it’s never been proven to be true that if a politician cheats on his wife, he’ll be a lousy leader.
I’m not condoning cheating or lying. But I’m saying it’s none of our business (which is, I suppose, ironic since I’m adding my voice to the chorus.) The article that’s bothered me the most so far is this one by Lee Stranahan at the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lee-stranahan/say-it-aint-so-elizabeth_b_117867.html), the one that judges Elizabeth for having supported her husband in his presidential bid despite knowing about his affair. He assumes that her appearing to love him was a cynical manipulation, and that his supporters got played. The reason this galls me is that we have no idea what’s in her heart or in his. We have no idea what a brief sexual dalliance meant when compared to all their years and the life they forged together. People respond to the affairs of their partner in all sorts of ways; people have affairs for all sorts of reasons. And to assume we know the inner workings of any couple—be they public, or our friends and neighbors—is just foolish. I’m a believer that if we don’t know, we shouldn’t judge.
I’m in a position to be particularly empathetic because I used to do counseling for cancer patients and their families, and I learned that affairs are not uncommon in a situation like that. I found it had a lot to do with fear of loss, of making someone less important to you because you’re terrified they might not be with you much longer, of grasping onto life. I found it had little to do with the person’s overall character. It wasn’t like “this type of person cheats, the kind who’s immoral and doesn’t really love his wife (or her husband).” We do ourselves a disservice with oversimplification.
Do I know that the reason John Edwards cheated was because he loves his wife and was afraid to lose her? No, I don’t. But I don’t know it to be otherwise. And I don’t think his political career should hang in the balance either way. This should have stayed between John and Elizabeth, and that’s the last I’ll say on it.